I think I'm done

I am seriously ashamed of myself.
I have tried time and time again, but I just can't seem to do it.
I want nothing more than to forget him, but I can't.

I've been telling myself for months that I don't care about him, but I do.
His smile sends shivers up my spine. His dimples put Harry Styles' to shame (yes, I went there). He's witty, sweet, and he's not coming back.
And I will let him leave.
I will follow Ariel's example; I will let him go like a balloon, and I won't look back.
Whenever we brush shoulders my heart stops for a moment, but it's obvious his doesn't. He likes her, not me. He likes the girl with flat ironed hair and one of those airy laughs that makes you lean closer to hear her.
Not me.
Not the girl with crazy hair and scratches from climbing trees. Not the girl who tries so hard to not care about others opinion.
I wish that I was the kind of girl with such a beautiful personality that every hero in fairy tales  falls in love with. The REAL girl. This is real life, the guy likes the pretty girl, not me.
The one thing I ask for is to know what he thinks when he smiles at me.
Does he know his effect on me?
Does he know what I think about him?
No, and he won't. That is the one thing I can do for him. I won't let him know what he does to me. I will let him look at her. I will keep joking with him about her and I'll give him advice when he asks. I'll just be a friend.
If that's all I can be to him, it's what I'll be.