13.5.12

I'm Not That Girl

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl... 
Dont force it...

 .

6.5.12

A Wonderful Discovery I Made


ON SEEING THE 100% PERFECT GIRL ONE BEAUTIFUL APRIL MORNING

by Haruki Murakami
One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo’s fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she’s not that good-looking. She doesn’t stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn’t young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a “girl,” properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She’s the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there’s a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you’re drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I’ll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can’t recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It’s weird.

“Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl,” I tell someone.

“Yeah?” he says. “Good-looking?”

“Not really.”

“Your favorite type, then?”

“I don’t know. I can’t seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or anything.”

“Strange.”

“Yeah. Strange.”

“So anyhow,” he says, already bored, “what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?”

“Nah. Just passed her on the street.”

She’s walking east to west, and I west to east. It’s a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I’d really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we’d have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a coffee shop for lattes.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

“Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?”

Ridiculous. I’d sound like an insurance salesman.

“Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?”

No, this is just as ridiculous. I’m not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who’s going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. “Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me.”

No, she wouldn’t believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you’re not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I’d probably go to pieces. I’d never recover from the shock. I’m thirty-two, and that’s what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can’t bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She’s written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she’s ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She’s lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started “Once upon a time” and ended “A sad story, don’t you think?”

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

“This is amazing,” he said. “I’ve been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you’re the 100% perfect girl for me.”

“And you,” she said to him, “are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I’d pictured you in every detail. It’s like a dream.”

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It’s a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one’s dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, “Let’s test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other’s 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we’ll marry then and there. What do you think?”

“Yes,” she said, “that is exactly what we should do.”

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other’s 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season’s terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence’s piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don’t you think?

Yes, that’s it, that is what I should have said to her.
 True True.
.
:)

26.4.12

I think I'm done

I am seriously ashamed of myself.
I have tried time and time again, but I just can't seem to do it.
I want nothing more than to forget him, but I can't.

I've been telling myself for months that I don't care about him, but I do.
His smile sends shivers up my spine. His dimples put Harry Styles' to shame (yes, I went there). He's witty, sweet, and he's not coming back.
And I will let him leave.
I will follow Ariel's example; I will let him go like a balloon, and I won't look back.
Whenever we brush shoulders my heart stops for a moment, but it's obvious his doesn't. He likes her, not me. He likes the girl with flat ironed hair and one of those airy laughs that makes you lean closer to hear her.
Not me.
Not the girl with crazy hair and scratches from climbing trees. Not the girl who tries so hard to not care about others opinion.
I wish that I was the kind of girl with such a beautiful personality that every hero in fairy tales  falls in love with. The REAL girl. This is real life, the guy likes the pretty girl, not me.
The one thing I ask for is to know what he thinks when he smiles at me.
Does he know his effect on me?
Does he know what I think about him?
No, and he won't. That is the one thing I can do for him. I won't let him know what he does to me. I will let him look at her. I will keep joking with him about her and I'll give him advice when he asks. I'll just be a friend.
If that's all I can be to him, it's what I'll be.
♥
let go
Mhm:)

4.4.12

Only Songs

There are no words to describe how I feel right now. Only songs.

I felt the
Faint trace of thunder
Rattle this old house
I saw the fire light the sky
But there's no sign of rain anywhere

I need a hurricane
To empty out this place
Seems it's the only way
To salvage any sense I have left
To move on

I'm waiting
To hear your voice again
And lighten up this heart
I'm holding on to stupid memories
But I see you in every little thing

I need a hurricane
To straighted out this place
It maybe the only way
To salvage any sense I have left
To move on

I need a hurricane
To ravage through place
I think it's the only way
To salvage any sense
I have left
To move on

I felt the
Faint trace of thunder
But there's no sign of rain anywhere
No, there's no sign of you anywhere

These hand me downs I am wearing
Are worn at the knee, color faded, hey
And all the little children are laughing
I'm trying to find a reason to keep from cryin', hey

I'm just a little girl, I'm Rageddy Ann
Making believe I'm happy, hey
Rageddy Ann, falling apart at the seams

And tears that I have covered with patches
Red and yellow patterns left in an old matches, hey
Where I have them sewn with black stitches
Are made exposed to be soiled and tattered, hey

I'm just a little girl, I'm Rageddy Ann
Making believe I'm happy, hey
Rageddy Ann, falling apart at the seams

So when did I get so broken, I wouldn't notice
Everything just break away from me
Hey, when did I get so broken, I wouldn't notice
Everything important leaving me
Falling apart at the seams

And all the busy people keep walking away
Like they can't see me or anything, hey
Everyday it gets a little harder
To believe in magic and people, hey

I'm just a little girl, I'm Rageddy Ann
Making believe I'm happy, hey
Rageddy Ann, falling apart at the seams
Falling apart

Feel so lonely, yeah
Feel so [Incomprehensible], yeah

trying our best :)
true

4.3.12

I'm Dyin' Here

Only 19 more days until that fantastic little movie comes out. You know which one I mean. I'm dying in anticipation. The only thing sustaining me is looking at pictures of Josh Hutcherson. When Robbie offered me Hunger Game tickets for March 23 at 7 pm, I absolutly died inside. I love that kid like none other (like a brother, don't think of it any other way!). That's right, I'm going to see the movie 5 hours before the general population. Try not to be jealous. I'm practically counting down the hours until then. Enjoy some photos, and, please, try not to drool all over your keyboard when you see Josh's jawline.
JAW!
Hottie
Oh Peeta... marry me please??