This is ME

• Books are my safe haven. Without all of the friends I have met through my adventures in their novels, I have no idea how I would have made it so far.
• I'm pretty sure I should get an award for the worlds best procrastinator.
• Whenever I'm reading a book (so, all the time) I start acting like the heroine of the book. I ask myself, "What would Celia (or Katniss, or Hermione, or Enna...) do?" When I finish the book/series, a part of them sticks with me.
• I have many unpleasant traits, but one thing I am sure I'm not is two-faced. If I don't like someone, I won't act like I do and stab them in the back. I let them know that they are the scum between my toes. I'm not sure if this is even worse than being two-faced, but I am who I am.
  
• Subsequent to my last bullet point, I cannot stand those who talk the talk but can't walk the walk.
  
• Anyone who thinks they know everything about me is dead wrong, unless their my mother.
• If I say I'm sorry three seconds after I do or say something wrong, I'm really not. If I was, I wouldn't have done it. If it's 30 minutes, or even 30 days until I apologize for it, then I truly am.
• I'm not sure I've ever had a real crush, let alone an infatuation, one up from a crush. After all of the Prince Charmings I have read about, I think my expectations have set me up to be an old maid with 7 cats.
• Of any heroine I have ever read about, I think I'm closest to Katniss from The Hunger Games and Enna from Enna Burning. If I was stuck in an arena with 23 other teens to fight to the death, I wouldn't be romanticizing the situation. I would be doing everything I could to live. And, like Katniss loves Prim, Lily is the only person I am 100% sure I love in the world. Like Enna, I'm not afraid to say what someone needs to hear, and I'll through a punch when necessary, or convenient.
  
• I cannot stand horror movies, or anything out remotely scary. I was bawling within the first 10 minutes of Jaws, before anyone was killed. I can stand the goriest things, but if somethings jumping out, I'm a goner.
  
• At some point in every novel I have ever read, I have cried. Not necessarily because it was sad, but because I couldn't stand to have my new friends leave me.
• In third grade there was a point where i just went through the motions. At the bell, I would go to lunch; at first bell, I would sit in between the doors; at second bell, i would move to the middle doors; and third bell I would go back to class. There was no one by my side. I'm going through that again right now.
• I cannot stand to go the doctors, but I also hate strangers seeing my emotions. Only those I love dearly can see me in my times of need, so I manage to not flinch whenever I get my shots. The last time I went to the doctors and was getting my ears cleaned out (I have a slight ear problem, you guys are the first outside of my family to know), I managed to keep a straight face. When the doctor went slightly to far and cut my ear canal, the blood started streaming and I let out the tiniest of tears. My mom told them to stop. The pain was unbearable. The doctor stopped and let me go, commending me on my "bravery". Once I got out the door, I couldn't stop the tears. All that had been happening recently finally hit me, I don't remember ever feeling so alone. My mom allowed me to put my feet up on the seat, wrap my arms around my knees, and cry. She called my dad and told him to pick up some broccoli cheese soup- the ultimate comfort food- from Kneaders on the way home. Bless her soul. On the way home, we passed my school, the wonderful place I came to in sixth grade. I love (most of) the teachers and the things they teach are inspirational, but I often second think my decision of leaving my old school. What's more important, knowing principles and truths, or having the truest friends you could possibly have? Just typing the sentence made me think I made the wrong choice. I saw Ariel walking home (I think from dance, but I promise I am not a stalker) and drive by Addie's house, and I know I lost the greatest friends when I left. They are so much like me, but better. I've prayed about it and I know Heavenly Father wants me to stay were I am, but it is so hard to be alone. If either of you are reading this, I want you to know that you had, and continue to have the greatest influence on me.
• The last bullet point was much too long.
• When I read, the voice in my head has a British accent.
• I am, and never have been, a girly-girl. I wore boy clothes as a (younger) child, and liked Winnie the Pooh instead of princesses. My first best friend was a boy. Even now, I wear mascara and sometimes a little foundation to school, no make up to church, and I add a little eye shadow to my school routine for special events.
  

I solemnly swear that I will not delete this post or any part of it. I will not be ashamed of it. I am who I am. This is ME.